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| ahhhhh i almost forgot to finish up what i was sayin since i went to
that interview>< haha the interview was pretty fun actually,
turned out it was only me but yea... asked questions and i answered
them well cept for one >< and den after wards i had to do a skit
of "forrest gump" haha i was uncomfortable at first but den *meh i
shrugged it off and just did it they VOC commitee ppl seem reallie
outgoing and full of fun haha i'm excited but yea afterwards went to
the mall, since Linda and dem waited for me and stuff so its like "mm
ho yee see" to say no so turned out i dind't do laundry loo. Was
ganna do it with Leona but awellz ngor day gum arm gum kui yui joh jeh
it wasnt pre-arranged or anything but i kne if i told dem i'm doin
laundry with her instead of goin to the mall i would get other ppl
questioning and everythin, i don't really care wat other ppl think
honestly i kno wat i'm doing and even if the relationship i have now is
goin to end, i'm not ending b/c i'm goin for another person. i
told myself as well as a close friend of mine that if i was to break up
i wouldtn' be dating for awhile. I don't think i'm fully capable
of being 100% commited into a relationship, i mean i'm goin thru a bit
of stuff in my mind and its not fair for the other person, plus the
relationship i have rite now is prettie ...yea. went to the mall
with her and linda and victor and joe, they kept or well linda kept on
tellin me to "hold her hand" but i never did. mm ji but no feel just
yea blah i kno she's tryin to start convos and stuff but reallie i have
no iniative to say anythin back to make the convo continue...am i a bad
person? ngor mm ji, i kno rite now i'm treatin her reallie poorly but
reallie i dun have the will to make her happier dats y i guess i'm
tryin not to see her in person as much especially this week since she's
stressing out with midterms and all, i dont' want to do anything as of
the moment cuz this week is crucial for her. I don't want other
things on her mind even tho i kno how i've been acting the past days
have bothered her. bought her flowers today and reallie they
weren't the prettiest but it was the prettiest bunch there, i was kinda
disappointed with the selection but awell did get her flowers.
yea the stuff i got her the piglet the tea i told her its for her,its
still in my room. weird maybe she doenst' watn my gifts nemore
cuz i've been treatin her so bleh but *shrugs there still here ngor mm
wui lum about nethin more than that. its just still here haha but
yea...ngor ji doh yee gor relationship i can see the light to it, the
tunnel is near its end. w.e happens i kno the next few weeks will be a
bit better and w.e outcome happens between us, i kno its the better for
both of us. anyway gwui gwui day and yao mo wunn su >< such
a procrastinator i am... aiya ><
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| ahh i was bored so i'm back here, or well i have like 10 minz to
spare cuz i have an interview to go to at 1:20 ish shouldtn' be
that big of a deal ^^ neway mm ji ar but done 2 midterms hoi sum hoi
sum^^ but reallie afm was sooooooooooo easy yet ngor mo bay sum gay
wunn so it was soooooooo >< i could of raped it like how i "fink"
i raped econ but i duno i hafta find out wat i REALLY got first in econ
b4 i could say i reallie raped it up the ass. Mo ar ngor gum
ching fong been dee yea, ho lann gong. Ngor ji hui lum gun meh,
hui ji ngor lum gun meh but reallie i dun wanna touch or do anything
yet cuz i kno she has midterms still to worry about and to her skoo is
like always near the top of her most important things. but
reallie ngor mm ji loo about the whole situation, sang geen see, Joe
wah "you guys need a new start" dann hai ngor mm ji if a new start
would get as anywhere, we've been thru quite some drama and situations
i must say even tho we dated for only a short while, ho dor yea fat
sung jor. even if she did some thin wron i forgive but ngor mm
forget, and i guess i can say its the same to her but neway i'll
continue this later lah... i gotta jet !! >< grr...
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| bak here again... well ngor ho fann ar yee gah... sum fann skoo yao
fann, mut do ho chi fann say yun gum... yesterday o wat bout
yesterday... yea it was an awkward day she came over, bought me timbits
i was happy but i duno didn't really express it properly i guess but
yea. neway after wards dinner, we didnt' really talk much
although she sat beside me, once again these awkward silences between
us, it reoccurs quite a bit nowadays, its really awkward its like i'm
wiht a wall or she's with a wall, when i talk she deosnt' reply or when
she talks i dun reply her back, but anyway we had a talk, and this time
Joe was here and yep yea... as i expected the talkin was more of me
talkin and her having a really sad look and with some tears. She didnt'
say much, i expected that, she never does say anything to me when its
serious talks like these ones. She can't "open up or express what
she wants" to me. Ngor butt lau do ji so i decided i should go
use the washyroomy which i reallie needed to cuz Joe's greentea was yea
i had to release that but yea in the back of my mind i guess i kne that
while i was gone she would be chatting with JOe, probably say more than
she ever said when i was in the room and i guess i was somewhat rite,
she did talk to Joe, i anticipated it and i was right. its always
like that and i jsut found out on her blog again sayin how she just
"blanks out" whenever her and i have serious takes. hui sang yut
gong ngor mm take iniative, mm take iniative gum ngor WUI read hui gor
blog meh? thats her ONLY way of expressing herself, HOW can I change
dat? ngor jun hai mm ji wor, hui yao gong wah "if linkin dindt' read my
blog, then would he have talked to me?" IF I didnt' read ur blog would
YOU talk to me about ur problems? i can say prettie much the same thing
jeh, you see thast the problem. its like talkin to a wall, gong
lay gong hui i dun even kno if she gets wat i'm tryin to say, all she
blurbs out in her blogs is wat she feels, i dun even kno if wat i said
actually makes her understand, sigh hui yea reading her xanga
does make me see a bit of her life but reallie does she kno mine? she
nows less than wat i kno of her. hui mun meh? hui seurng ji meh?
ngor mm ji ar... she says i don't tell her my problems gum hui ji gay
leh? hui do moh lah, yee dee yea, ngor gok duk, are HUGE issues.
yut gor relationshp jui jung yui dee yea is communication, trust,
honesty. all 3 ngor day mut do moh. mut do moh, yee cheen
hoi yee wah we comminicate prettie well but reallie yee gah dat do moh
jor. she says she's always wondering gum if ur wonderin lay butt yu mun
ngor lah or well mayb she says i do ask but you don't tell me.
gum k sutt lay mun jor ngor gay dor chi ar? ngor do yao mun hui "wats
wrong" hui do dap "nuffin, i feel crabby, just tired" excuses
jeh. hai hui gong duk arm, this term i really didn't take the
iniative to do stuff like walk her home, find her, and many other
things, things that before came natural to me, but yee gah, mm ji ar
just joh mm doh, its like everytime i do dose things, its like its
forced out. either way hui wah gong duk arm, how much commitment
do i have left? ngor jun hai mm ji ... can i rebound back and fix up
myself to make her happy again? or can she find out wats wrong in our
relationship so she can make me happy again as well? either way wat i
kno is that both of us aren't happy and thats sumfin a relationship
shouldn't be but i will continue to tai ha if things can actually work
out, tai ha if she can be true to her word and not blog on her blog, in
fact ngor mm wui joi tai hui gor blog anymore, see if she's more open
to me. and maybe if she does that then she'd realize that was
actually was wrong with me. the fact that her problems i find out
thru other ppl or her blog. with me or has she asked me wats
wrong? everytime i'm cold to her or w.e she finks its "everytime u come
back to from toronto its always liek this, why me?" well k sut its not
always just ngor fan lay from toronto, i guess gum arm gum kui jeh but
really i'm like dat not b/c deres sumfin wrong with her but ngor ji gay
lui meen yao yeah jing doh ngor mm hoi sum, maybe if she asked me "geem
gai lay gong gum sui yea ah?" or "joh meh yea ar... lay mm seurng geen
doh ngor meh?" or some other things along those lines den she'd realize
that all i did ever want was for her to be here with me so i can just
tell her wats goin on and stuff. but i guess she took it the
other and she thinks i'm just pickin on her or deres a problem and its
related with her. all along i guess i was just being cold to her
was cuz i just wanted her to be the one to mun ngor "geem guy i'm like
this?" so i can wah bay hui ji, yee cheen i kne that whenever i saw her
ngor wui hoi sum ho dor, yee gah... ngor mm ji, hui wah hui jung yee
ngor gor msn sayin... hhaha k sut i just thot of it off my head but
really it makes alot of sense now, ngor k sutt "mm ji mm lum mm seurng
mm hay mong mm tai mm gong mm king jing hai seurng wun su" wun su that
should be my number 1 priority. linkin bay sum gay duk su, be
proud of urself so that you can have a better future cuz rite now it
doenst' look to good
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| wah !! gum yut aiyo must jot this down... so... i payed my credit card
and i got more money to use again ... yep so... yepyep as you all kno i
deposited money into my poker acct. played a sit-and-go $215 buy
in... yea... i was like "bok yut bok lah" if i get 1st i get 1k, 2nd i
got $600, 3rd i get $400... and guess wat place i got ? 4TH!! AIYA
>< sooo mung... mm funn hay i added more money into my pker acct
and played another one, oo and i b4 i 4got i prayed to the lord to
protect me and watch over me when i was playin them, my 2nd $215 sit
and go i was doin well... conservative and i was lucky too ^^ and it
turns out !! i got 1st!!! ahh 1k in prize ^^ so happie i'm up now, now
i just gotta play smart and i deposited back some money... ho lah i
should play smart and with a bit of luck tai hai ngor hui doh been doh
lah ^^
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| hmm hmm here i am yet again... soooo last nite was fun^^ i finally got
my damn haircut after like 3 days of postphoning... grr... and still i
fink it looks bleh>< awellz... neway that wasn't the main point
of my day. Chris and I went over to james house and we just
fooled around haha playin dota on lan 1 on 1 and other randomness it
was fun i must say somehow in a someway it brought me back some
memories of Zion, junior high, oo those were good old days. haha
i stumbled upon a 8 gwa magazine and i was reading my horoscope for
this week and lol funnie thing it said "don't fall into depression but
seeks answers to your problems" it was along the words of that i
laughed and i said it out loud to chris and he kinda laughed and i said
"yo thats our horoscope for the month" hhaha strange strange how these
stoooopid lil magazine's horoscopes actually always seeem SOOOOOO tru
>< aie... awellz id idnt' fink bout it alot and later on that
day, aaron FINALLY showed up and lily came back from skating and her
and i played some o2jam together. man that game was tricky, gotta give
props to joe and chris for pwning that game or should isay in a mean
way.. "NO LIFE" haha jkjkz but yea...nepoo stayed dere till like 5am
and ray showed up as well along with ricci, it was all fun fun ^^
watched some twainese show it was kinda wierd but they had their
laughs seeing them laugh putted a smile on my face but between 4-430 i
kinda fell asleep. owellz i was tired and idint' have much sleep last
nite nor the nite before either way i havent' been gettin alot of
sleep. nepoo i woke up today around 12 cuz i had to get groceries for
siblings. turns out my sis wasn't even home..."Munged' me a bit but
*meh slept again woke up at 3pm and i saw a note on the bathroom door a
list of groceries >< damn shud of pee-ed earlier as chris said
haha owell so i went to the groceries and for some reason while i was
shoppin i went into the tea section and naturally i thot of if i shud
get tea for her. weird ain't it? i thot it was but neway thot she drank
"chai" most of the time but den i saw "orange pekeo" and i was like o
yea... its this one. weird tho after picking it up i just
continued to look at the list, ididtn' really think of anythin
else. most of the time when i buy something for her, i would be
like hmm i wonder how she would look or hmm does she like it? i duno
but this time, i just moved on to the next item of the list. duno
wats really happen with me but *shrugs i'll just see how thigns work
out. drove back to loo and weird just driving by myself and
listening to the tape that chris taped for me haha thx a bundle haha
and strange strange i started to tear a bit just for like a bit i didnt
even kno y, strange. i hate it when that happens random tearing,
its like i duno y i'm crying or about to cry but neway it stopped and
it never happened again. lately i've been doin that alot its
weird... i kno i'm more emotional than most guys but not like this...
grrr... i dun reallie like this haha i fink i have a problem>< o
noo "houston we have a problem" haha but yea... crap man i gotta just
suck everythin up thats wrong in my life and just move on haha.
gotta think of wat that horoscope said.
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